This is me ... a rant from 2019 about ageism and celebrants

Actually, I'm more than pretty darn good. I'm completely brilliant! (I'm also knowledgeable and meticulous when it comes to the legal side of getting married.) What lies at the heart of that is that I DON'T JUDGE because I know there is always room for improvement and more to learn.

But I do get mega-annoyed at ageism and older celebrants being denigrated and dismissed out of hand. So when I read outright criticism of older celebrants framed as personal patting on the back by young, green, celebrants with 2 minutes experience as a celebrant, and clearly not much life experience if they think 50+ is the new "one-foot-in-the-grave, the other on a banana skin", I slightly fume.

So, when I stumbled across a celebrant self-promotion in which said celebrant-for-2-minutes self-described as someone who "doesn't do Bogan or Circus, doesn't have one foot in the grave and doesn't have a blue perm rinse" I said some pretty rude things to my computer screen!

The first part of the statement doesn't make sense. Not sure how one would "do Bogan". If that means that this celebrant doesn't do ceremonies for people they characterise as Bogan, that's

1. Judgmental
   
2. Snobbish and
   
3. Stupid

It is a term I've never quite understood, anyway, because it seems to be applied randomly. If it means they won't do ceremonies in a manner they classify as Bogan, frankly, I have no idea what that would be. Presumably one not littered with readings from Shakespeare, but really, who the hell needs a ceremony that is an anthology of other people's writing (the mark of a lazy celebrant) when a more powerful approach is to use simple, conversational language and to express the couple's feelings in their own words?

Doesn't do Circus? If that means including lots of other people in the ceremony. Bring it on. If that means you wearing what you want. Definitely. If that means riding in on horseback, including your furbabies in the ceremony, and giving me the opportunity to invent a one-of-a-kind ritual. I'm in!

And as for blue rinse. Gosh, how many brides, bridesmaids, grooms, groomsmen, and guests have I had the pleasure of interacting with who have blue, green, purple, pink etc streaks or ombre and who look fabulous as a result. At least they didn't suggest that we older celebrants smell of moth balls - which another just-burst-upon-the-firmament celebrant did a couple of years ago.

So, here's the reality. You don't know what you don't know, my friend. To be a great celebrant takes a lot more than ignorance shored up with vast amounts of ego.

We older celebrants were injecting spontaneity into ceremonies years before a new celebrant decided an unscripted ceremony was the way to go. Spontaneous unscripted moments are one thing. A totally unscripted ceremony generally translates into someone's personal way of doing every ceremony without having to bother to produce a script that the couple can comment on and approve.

From day one, I've been using a huge amount of cultural knowledge, built up over many years living in other countries, together with research skills developed over many years working in the information field, to make sure that the ceremony honours you as individuals, respects your family background, and celebrates everything you are.

And I've never had to wear "look-at-me" clothing, or be centre-stage and centre of attention during your ceremony.

Perhaps, though, I've been too darn modest in the way I've been advertising myself, and too honest in making sure that my fees are reasonable, rather than indulging in ego pricing!

So, here goes. As a person, I'm kind, friendly, or, as one of my brides quite recently said, "...warm, down to earth, and incredibly helpful (think: like the cool Aunty who tells it like it is, and helps where it’s needed)"

As a celebrant, I'm pretty darn amazing! But apparently I don't have an ego to match .... or let that ego hang out enough!