If
you Google "tandem wedding" or "tandem weddings"
you'll be served pages and pages of listings about
bikes. Despite the cute graphic (I couldn't resist
the play on words) a Tandem Wedding has nothing to
do with a bicycle built for two!
What is a tandem
wedding?
A tandem wedding is a legal wedding ceremony
that is officiated by two people. They have
complimentary roles, with one of them being
responsible for the legal aspects of the
ceremony, and the other being the person who is
responsible for the non-legal aspects of the
ceremony.
Two officiants or two
ceremonies?
To be legally married, you must have an
authorised celebrant, or clergy person
authorised to solemnise marriages, do all the
legal paperwork and conduct a legal ceremony.
Involving a dear friend or relative is fine,
however, for any part of the ceremony that isn't
a legal requirement.
So you basically have a choice
- two ceremonies held at different times - a
legal marriage and a non-legal wedding, or
- a tandem ceremony
How does a tandem
ceremony work?
In a tandem ceremony, a person of your choice
officiates as much of the non-legal parts of the
ceremony as you wish, but the authorised
celebrant is responsible for ensuring that your
marriage is legal. How much of the ceremony each
person officiates can differ depending on the
type of ceremony. Where you are an interfaith or
intercultural couple, you might go for 50/50, in
other circumstances you may wish your friend to
officiate the bulk of the ceremony.
So, the authorised celebrant
- takes care of all of the pre-ceremony
legal paperwork
- provides the marriage certificates you
sign on
- on the day, identifies themself to your
guests as the authorised celebrant, makes
the statement required by the Marriage Act,
and ensures that your vows meet the legal
requirements.
- signs your marriage certificates
- submits your marriage papers for
registration of your marriage
Who can be involved in
a tandem ceremony?
Obviously, you need an authorised celebrant. Who
the other person is is entirely your choice. My
very first wedding was a tandem wedding - and I
was not the authorised celebrant. The daughter
of a work colleague dearly wanted me to be their
celebrant, but I was still waiting to be legally
authorised. That was back in the "old days" when
there was a cap on numbers of appointments every
year, so while I'd completed the training, I was
still waiting. And it took two years. Tandem
weddings were rare at the time, so there was a
lot of discussion about who could do what! Since
then, as the authorised celebrant, I've worked
with clergy, with experienced celebrants from
other countries, and with friends of the couple.
Types of tandem
ceremony
There are three types of tandem wedding
ceremony:
- An interfaith wedding, where the couple
wish to involve the clergy from both
religions. Some religious denominations are
very open to this, some are not. [If this is
your wish and you come up against barriers,
it might help to know that you can have a
religious marriage ceremony, according to
the rites of that faith, even if you are
legally married. Just as long as the clergy
person is aware that you are legally married
and no legal paperwork is done]
- A religious wedding, where the
clergyperson is not authorised to solemnise
legal marriages (not all are) so a civil
celebrant is present to fulfil those
requirements. In this case, the ceremony
would follow the liturgy of the particular
denomination, but the civil celebrant would
identify themselves and ensure that the
civil legal requirements of the monitum and
the legal vows were included in the ceremony
- A wedding where the couple would like a
friend or relative to conduct a
non-religious ceremony and a civil celebrant
is present to fulfil the legal
requirements.
Who creates the
ceremony?
Generally speaking, your friend does. But
creating a unique and personal ceremony that
flows well and also meets Australian legal
requirements, requires some skill. I see part of
my role in a tandem ceremony as a coaching one.
So I offer the choice of
- a package where I work with your friend
and, if they wish, coach them in delivering
the ceremony, too, or
- a package where I check the ceremony
script for legal compliance, provide advice
as to how to improve it, and some coaching
about delivering the ceremony, or
- a package where I check the ceremony
script for legal compliance only.
What if something goes
awry?
The Attorney-General's Department has made it
quite clear that, regardless of who is
officiating the bulk of the ceremony, it is the
authorised celebrant who carries the can if
something happens that puts the legality of your
marriage at risk. The authorised celebrant must
step in and take over if things go awry, for
example if questions arise about your consent,
if your vows don't meet legal requirements, and
so on. Careful preparation will avoid this.
Is a Tandem Ceremony a
way to save money?
Probably not! For the authorised celebrant, a
tandem ceremony requires more time and more
responsibility because the celebrant is
responsible for what another person does, so it
is in every one's interest for the celebrant to
invest time before the ceremony making sure that
the legal requirements are understood. It also
requires a deal of coaching, extra meetings, and
so on. In the scheme of things, any "discount"
on the cost of a celebrant is going to be a
infinitesimal proportion of your whole budget.
So best to just focus on what your decision
about a tandem wedding will deliver for you.
That could be priceless!
Don't forget to have a
rehearsal
In a tandem wedding pre-wedding consultation
between those officiating the ceremony is
absolutely critical. A formal rehearsal to
smooth out any bumps and make sure everyone is
on the same page, is equally important. Speaking
from experience, not only is the rehearsal a
great way to consolidate the partnership between
them, they can be great fun. And it may be the
only opportunity for your two officiants to meet
face to face if your friend has had to travel
some distance for the occasion.
Related information
Thanks for reading!