Wedding Ceremony Anxiety
and How to Deal with it
by
Jennifer
Cram - Brisbane Marriage Celebrant ©
(17/05/2021)
Categories: | Wedding Ceremony | Wedding
Planning |
It is the very
rare person who doesn't develop some level of wedding
ceremony anxiety in the lead up to their wedding. It's
common, it is temporary (we are not talking about
clinically diagnosed social anxiety), and it can be
managed by understanding what it is, why you need to
feel a little anxious about your wedding, and why you
might be feeling more than a little anxious.
IMPORTANT: This blog post is general advice about what
might be regarded to be "normal" anxiety. If your
anxiety is overwhelming, and goes beyond worry about
what could go wrong with your wedding, please seek
professional advice.
What is Wedding Ceremony
Anxiety?
out
Wedding ceremony anxiety is a complex mix of three
things:
- Fear of being judged
- Fear of stuffing up in some way
- Fear of missing out (FOMO)
How much each of those fears contributes is a pretty
individual thing that can depend to some extent on
external factors like how tight your budget is, the
personalities of the people who surround you and their
attitudes to weddings, and your focus.
Some anxiety is good. It has a practical use. It keeps
us responsible. Weddings, like much of life, come with
deadlines. If you're planning your wedding you are
also having to deal with legal requirements with
important deadlines, and most vendors have deadlines.
A little bit of anxiety makes sure that deadlines are
met.
Unpacking fear of being
judged
One thing that there is absolutely no shortage of when
you are planning a wedding is advice! Both the
internet and the shelves in newsagents, bookshops, and
libraries are full of it. And they all have one thing
in common - "
this is how you should do it".
All usually based on outmoded ideas and etiquette.
There is a simple fact about publishing. The process
in itself is time-consuming so it means that whatever
is on the page is already behind the times. It's the
"authorised" version, usually offered in the guise of
"tradition", or what is (read was) socially accepted
in circles where social acceptance goes hand in hand
with social status.
As I often ask my couples, have you ever gone to a
wedding and sat there thinking
I hope you stuff
this up big time. I hope you make complete fools of
yourselves? And the response is always a shake
of the head. A sheepish smile. And a clear
No.
No-one does. We don't invite those sorts of people to
our weddings.
I also point out that most of the so-called
must
have's and
must do's around weddings are
down to peer pressure from dead people. Queen Victoria
in particular!
Unpacking fear of stuffing
up
There is almost nothing that can royally stuff up a
wedding if you've complied with the legal requirements
(that's where I come in) and done some contingency
planning aka asking yourselves
how could this
possibly go wrong? and then taking steps to
either avoid it happening or put alternatives in
place. A great
plan B
is everything. And so is recognising that fear
of stuffing up, of making the wrong decisions, is what
drives procrastination!
Unpacking fear of missing
out (FOMO)
Engendering
FOMO
is a tried and tested sales technique. And it is one
of the major reasons budgets blow out. FOMO drives
booking or buying, and then, when the dust settles, a
change of mind can happen, meaning money wasted.
That's all that needs to be said on the matter
.
Anti-anxiety strategies
I'm not going to suggest you carve huge chunks of time
out of your day to meditate or self-care. You've got a
wedding to plan. So what can you do to reduce your
wedding ceremony anxiety to the point where it is no
longer a burden, but a motivation?
Simple strategies that help deal with the sources of
wedding ceremony anxiety:
- Talk to your celebrant. Make sure you
understand what you have to do, both in terms of
ticking all of the legal boxes and input into the
whole process of developing the ceremony and
deadlines for each step. Make a list in date order
and work through it. Celebrants are always happy
when you have all the legal boxes ticked early.
- Talk to your best-beloved. Make sure that
you are on the same page about the ceremony.
- Carry a notebook, or have the notes
function on your phone at the ready so you can to
jot down ideas, phrases, and questions that come
to mind when you are doing something else and then
get back to what you were doing
- Create a response or two to trot out
without having to think - for when someone offers
you unsolicited
and unwelcome wedding advice
On the spot responses that will help reduce anxious
feelings
- Breathe! Specifically, take half a dozen
deep, slow breaths. Experiment with different
types of slow deep breathing to find which one
works for you. My fav is pursed lip breathing
because it is not only calming, it ups your oxygen
saturation and is therefore energising.
- Send a happy meme or quick message of
appreciation/thanks to someone who is
supportive of you and your plans. Or just pause
for a minute to think about them and something
nice they've done for you. Feel-good hormones will
flow.
- Look at your to do list and do
the one you find hardest first. It is always
tempting to go for the quick and easy tasks
because we can knock a few of those off in a short
time to give ourselves a (short-lived) sense of
accomplishment. But that leaves the
anxiety-engendering task hanging over our
heads.The sense of accomplishment getting that one
done will deliver a sense of accomplishment that
will fuel the next few tasks on the list because
it will be so much easier to totally focus on
those as you tackle them.
- Write the following: Whatever happens
on the day, when the clock strikes midnight I'll
be married to the love of my life.(Yes, that
strategy of writing lines works to rewire your
brain and mindset.) It's not a punishment. You
might even make a ritual of it, using a nice
notebook and different pens, or a
whiteboard/blackboard that you can photograph as a
keepsake).
Thanks for reading!