Celebrate and Include Your Grandmas in Your Wedding Ceremony
Categories: | Inclusive Weddings | Wedding Ceremony |
Flower
grandmothers, also referred to as flower grannies,
flower grandmas, and flower nanas, are a recent
departure from wedding ceremony "tradition", a
rethinking of the role that never fails to make us
ooh, ahh, and smile. All it took was for one couple
to think outside the box and come up with something
that now seems to be almost obvious, even though
no-one had done it before. But asking your grandmothers to be your flower girls is only one of many ways to include all four grandmothers in your ceremony. As in my posts about including both mothers and both fathers in your ceremony, some of these ideas have been inspired by same sex weddings, where things tend to be different, as couples side-step traditional wedding planning advice and create their own traditions.
While I have largely referred to bride and groom in the following, all of these suggestions work for two brides or two grooms.
First look
Grandmothers as members of
the wedding party
- Flower nanas
You can always rely on your nana to do an accomplished and professional scattering of petals. Send them down the aisle first and feel the level of excitement and anticipation go off the charts, because, as well as delighting and entertaining, it sends a powerful message that your wedding is not going to be predictable or boring. - Nanas as bridesmaids or groomswomen will always have your back. If you have a mixed age wedding party, the answer to coordinating outfits is to go with same fabric, individual styles.
- Nanas as ring bearers
While the tradition has long been a little girl to scatter flowers plus a little boy to carry the rings, there is no rule that one ring bearer carries both rings. You can have as many flower girls and ring bearers as you wish, in any combination. Bonus is that you can trust your nanas with the real rings!
The processional
out
In many cultures the bride and the groom are
separately escorted to their wedding by their
extended family, a custom that can be easily
adapted for a formal processional, even if your
nanas are not going to be taking an active role as
flower nana, bridesmaid/groomswoman, or ring
bearer. How you would structure the processional is a matter of personal choice, but a general principle would be to have those closest to you walk closest to you - as in the traditional processional where the father of the bride escorts her and her maid of honour walks either immediately before or after her.
Alternatively, you could, in a gesture of support and solidarity, have the bride escorted by both her father and the groom's father, and accompanied by all four grandfathers, and the groom escorted by his mother and the bride's mother, and accompanied by all four grandmothers.
Grandmothers as
witnesses
Warming of the rings
Presentation of the
rings
- Your own nana presents to you the ring that
you will place on your beloved's hand
- Your soon-to-be nana-in-law presents to you
the ring that you will place on her
grandchild's hand.
Including nanas in a
ritual
- Rose
Ceremony
One version of the Rose Ceremony involves presenting roses to both mothers as an expression of gratitude. Expand that to include your grandmothers.
- Handfasting
Nanas can be included in a handfasting ritual in a number of ways - from presenting the cord/ribbons, to being involved in the actual handfasting.
- Sand Ceremony
There are numerous ways the grandmothers (and other members of the two families) can be included in a sand ceremony
Giving your grandmas an
active role in the ceremony
- Deliver a reading
Work with your nana to choose a reading that reflects her personality and the role she has played in your life. It doesn't have to be a poem! Or choose something that can be delivered as a duet.
- Ask those "I do" questions
Even better is you leave the wording to her. - Lead you through your vows
As long as you say the required legal words, there is no requirement that you repeat them after your celebrant. Having your nana feed you the lines can be a special experience that will make for wonderfully emotional photos. - Deliver a blessing for your marriage
Blessings by family elders have been part of human relationships since the dawn of time. Such a blessing can be entirely secular, or can reference a deity. Including a religious blessing in an otherwise secular ceremony is a loving way to acknowledge your nana's beliefs.
Ask your nana to gift
you her skills
Pro Tip: A ring cushion does not have to be small or square. I've seen a ring cushion made from a traditional cross-stitch wedding sampler. And, beautifully executed by a grandmother whose hobby was Jacobean style crewel work, a large square cushion. After the wedding either could be used as a cushion in the home, or, backing removed, framed.
When your nana has
dementia
- Appointing someone to be your nana's
ceremony buddy, someone whose only role is be
with her, to guide her, to explain what is
happening, and to keep her calm and
comfortable.
- Choosing a role for her that is within her capabilities. It might be something as simple as holding your bouquet for you. Pro Tip: With someone to shepherd her, in my experience presentation of the rings is well within the capability of a grandparent with dementia. Nothing to remember ahead of time.
It matters not a jot that your nana might not
remember her participation. You will have given
her a moment of joy, a moment captured in photos
that you can share with her again and again,
each time giving her another moment of joy.
When your grandmother
has passed away
- Carry, wear, or use something of hers in the
ceremony, for example, a tablecloth on the
signing table.
- Have your celebrant say a few words
- Light a memorial candle, incense, or lay a
flower in front of her photo at the beginning
of the ceremony.
- Leave an empty chair and lay a flower on it
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