Avoid pre-wedding dramas
with a Witness Lottery
Categories: | Wedding Ceremony | Wedding Legals | Wedding Planning |
When
you get married in Australia you must have two adults
present to act as your legal witness. I've addressed
what they are for, who they can be, and what they must
do in an earlier post about witnesses at
weddings.Unfortunately, when someone near and dear to you has expected that you will choose them as your witness, and you don't, hurt feelings can lead to ongoing drama, including broken friendships and family rifts.
How to avoid the drama
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If you're having a larger wedding, you might go with
tradition and have your best man/chief bridesmaid, or
some variation on that, as your witnesses. That in
itself can add to the angst because choosing people for
those roles takes things to a whole other level when it
comes to dashed expectations, hurt feelings, and so on.But you can separate the roles, choosing witnesses who are not in your bridal party. Grandparents, parents, siblings, good friends, the people who introduced you, and so on, are all popular choices for witnesses.
Sometimes the choice is clear-cut, and acceptable to everyone. Sometimes it is not. If you're worried that whoever you choose, someone else is going to be upset, there is a neat, legal, and very Australian way round that.
The Witness Lottery
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When it is clear to people that who ends up as your
witnesses is completely random and the luck of the draw,
no-one feels that you have rejected them. And the good
news is that it is both legal and doable to pick them at
the last minute because, in Australia, you do not have
to notify any government authority as to who your
witnesses will be and your witnesses do not have to show
any official photo ID to your celebrant. In fact
the only requirement is that your witnesses are at least
18 years of age and capable of understanding the
ceremony and their responsibilities, as well as being
present (and paying attention because they are aware
that they have an important legal responsibility) for
the whole of the ceremony.So it MUST happen before the ceremony starts. If you are walking down the aisle in a formal procession this can happen before you enter. I prefer to do it once you are up the front so you can participate in the excitement.
Yes, I know that many people assume that the wedding starts when the music starts. It doesn't. The wedding doesn't start until the first formal words are spoken to signal that the ceremony has begun.
Multiple Ways to have a
Witness Lottery
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Just as there isn't just one way to have any sort of
lottery, there are multiple ways to organise a
Witness Lottery- Lucky door tickets. Cloakroom tickets from
the newsagent work well, and allow you to keep the
secret of what they are for until the very last
moment. Numbers go into a hat or other fun
container, or borrow one of those barrels with
marbles in them people use for bingo. You draw two
numbers and announce the names of who will be the
witness for each of you. This is a great way to up
the pre-ceremony anticipation without disclosing
what the "prize" is.
- A fancier alternative to lucky door tickets. If you want to do something a bit fancier, printed postcards with a number on them and an explanation of what you're planning, are an option. Send them with the invitations (one for each person over 18 being invited), or hand them out as guests arrive. Again, numbers are drawn out of the hat.
- Pass the envelope, box, or parcel. As in any pass-the-parcel type game, each has multiple layers, so envelopes within envelopes, boxes within boxes, or multiple layers of wrapping paper. Start passing two of these. One from each end works well, and have someone play music. When the music stops, the envelope is or box is opened, or one layer of wrapping removed, and what remains inside sent on its way. Eventually the one opened will reveal a card saying Congratulations, you are [NAME's} official witness.
- Look under the chairs. Tape two envelopes under two random chairs, ask people to look under the chairs. Those who have the envelopes are your witnesses.
- Add something to the inside of two ceremony
orders of service. It can be as simple as a
sticker that doesn't give a clue as to what it is
about. At the appropriate point ask who has (for
example) a rose, or key, or whatever, sticker inside
their program. They are your witnesses.
Don't forget the all-important
explanation
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When I announce a Witness Lottery, I always "blame" the
Marriage Act restrictions first - only 2 witnesses, no
more - and then say that the couple didn't want to
choose between the many people they love who are obvious
candidates for the role.You can use a variation of this if you aren't going to keep the witness lottery secret, for example, print an explanation on each numbered card.
But it is not enough to just announce the names of the lucky two. Your celebrant must explain the legal requirements - including that, as the witnesses, they must be prepared to stand up in court to testify that they were present when your marriage took place. And, of course, they must consent to taking on this responsibility!
Witness lotteries can be great fun. I've officiated a few wedding where this was how the witnesses were chosen and loved every one. And, by all reports, so did the guests. The most important thing though, is that a Witness Lottery takes the pressure off you. Talk to me about it!
Related Information
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Thanks for reading!
