Surprise Weddings
In Australia the legal requirements of informed consent together with a clear month's notice mean that both of you, the marrying couple, must be in on the secret, together with the marriage celebrant. This means that one of the marrying parties (eg the groom) cannot arrange the wedding as a surprise for the other (eg the bride), or vice versa. The circumstances under which any such wedding takes place constitute an offence that carries a term of six months in prison and loss of registration for the celebrant. Therefore no celebrant in Australia will agree to be party to such an arrangement.
A common false belief is that if you signed the Notice of Intended Marriage then you agreed to the marriage, so the actual date and place where the marriage takes place can be a surprise. NOT TRUE! The Notice of Intended Marriage is not a contract, so it does not obligate either party to actually marry.
There is a very good reason for it being illegal for the one party to make the arrangements and spring the surprise on the other one. Consent is not only "in the moment", regardless of how often you might have consented to the marriage earlier, it must also be free and willing, and therefore made without any duress.
Being put in a situation where it is possible that the person being surprised feels under duress to proceed immediately, casts doubt on the validity of the marriage. The celebrant has to be sure at every stage that the consent of both parties is real and freely given, and that there is no duress, and that includes during the ceremony.
However, it is perfectly legal to keep the fact that you are getting married from everyone else, including your two official witnesses, until the ceremony starts.
You may want to have a surprise wedding if
- you like the idea of having a wedding incorporating some of the traditional customs without pre-wedding pressures and irritations
- you want to have your family and friends share the day with you
- you want everyone, including yourselves, to be relaxed
- you want to be totally in control of your wedding
- you want to save money
While the level of planning and the cost can vary
depending on the style of your wedding, a surprise
wedding can be very simple to plan, and
extraordinarily versatile.
The biggest issue is likely to be how to ensure
significant people will attend, and how to keep your
plans a secret. As surprise weddings become more
common, inviting everyone to an engagement party can
raise suspicions. I've noticed an increasing number of
guests are turning up with both an engagement card and
a wedding card with their gift.
Parties on special days (Halloween, Christmas, New
Year's Eve), family get-togethers, significant
birthdays, house warmings, even a "TV-warming" party
for a new TV and an invite to watch State of Origin
(with your wedding planned for half-time) are
possibilities.
You can tell people that it is a wedding when they
arrive. One couple I married presented their guests
with a souvenir stubby holder announcing their New
Year's Eve wedding as they came through the front
door.
Or you can spring the surprise when you are ready to
start the ceremony. You don't even need to use words.
The first bars of the Wedding March can say it all.
Blog Post: Surprise Weddings:
How to have a successful one without breaking the
law
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