7 Ways AI-written Vows Shortchange You and Your Marriage

More and more frequently I'm hearing and reading about couples being advised to just use AI (Artificial Intelligence) to write their personal vows. Worst advice ever!

While it might seem more than a bit cheeky to say that there is nothing wrong with getting help to write your vows (with my Vows Magician hat on I provide a vow-writing service) when at the same time I'm saying Don't use AI tools to write the most personal promises you'll ever make,  there are 7 very good reasons to leave the deeply personal and emotionally charged task of writing wedding vows to the human heart and mind, ensuring your vows are both authentic and meaningful.

1. AI-written vows rob you of the personal touch

When AI writes your vows the sentences might all be grammatically correct but you will end up with vanilla word that shriek "regurgitated" because AI tends to rely on data it has been trained on, it will deliver vows that are filled with clichés and overused expressions because it doesn't have the ability to infuse your vows with the genuine emotion, personal insights, and the unique connection that only you and your partner share.

Both you and your marriage will be shortchanged by AI's impersonal approach and failure to capture the essence of your relationship and the individual quirks that make it unique because, no matter how advanced the AI tool you use is (and we are told they are getting better all the time) it operates by identifying patterns in data and generating content from that existing data. At best, AI-written vows will sound boringly similar to countless others, missing that special touch that makes them uniquely yours. At worst your vows could come across as insincere.

2. AI-written vows rob you of the opportunity for reflection

Writing your own vows is more than just a modern tradition; it's a reflective process that allows you to think deeply about your relationship and about your partner's importance in your life, and to consider your vision for your future together. It is a process that can deepen your connection and your understanding of one another. Relying on AI to perform this task bypasses a meaningful opportunity for personal growth and bonding and robs you of the opportunity for deeper understanding that comes from exploring your feelings and commitments yourself and expressing those in your own words. 

But, you might ask, how is using AI different from using the Vows Magician vow writing service? Besides the fact that the Vows Magician is a human being who uses creative skill and personal brain power to write individual vows, not a tech tool that plagiarises and synthesises multiple published words written by others, that is?  When you use AI what you get back depends on what you tell the tool. My process is interactive and we work together. I ask plenty of questions and we work with your answers!

3. AI-written vows will struggle to hit the right note

The tone of your wedding vows is crucial, but the tone in written language is subtle and complex, and hitting it takes a human understanding. AI might misinterpret your desired tone or make assumptions. And that leads to producing vows that miss the mark, or may even be inadvertently humorous. Do you want your vows to be heartfelt and serious, or light-hearted and humorous, or possibly a mix of both. It all depends on the unique dynamic of your relationship. Something we will talk about and keep checking back on. AI tools, on the other hand, will very likely fail to accurately capture the tone you wish to convey, potentially leading to producing vows that don't reflect the true nature of your relationship or how you genuinely feel about your partner.

4. AI-written vows can't deliver a shared experience

A powerful relationship-strengthening way to write your vows is for you and your partner to write your vows together, to negotiate what you will commit to in the same way you have negotiated every other aspect of your relationship since the day you met.

You could also choose to negotiate some aspects of your vows, and each add individual touches. Either way can be a beautiful aspect of the wedding preparation process, a moment of vulnerability and intimacy.

Using AI as a shortcut can diminish this shared experience, taking away a precious opportunity for connection and emotional intimacy before you take your vows.

5. There is always the risk of technical issues and misunderstandings

Relying on technology always comes with the risk of technical failures or misunderstandings. Unlike working with a human being, there is no refining of your input, no discussion, no querying what you meant exactly. AI might misinterpret your intentions or input, leading to vows that don’t quite hit the mark or, worse, convey the wrong message. If you've ever had a frustrating "conversation" with one of those chat-bots that are supposed to answer your questions on commercial websites, you already know what I mean!

6. AI-written vows are likely to miss the mark, legally

When you get married in Australia, the words you say are what create the legal contract of marriage between you. Because most sources the AI bot will be accessing will reflect a far more casual approach - merely answering I Do to a question, or saying something, anything, that makes it clear that you consent to being married to one another - even if given strict instructions to comply with the requirements of the Australian Marriage Act, AI-written vows will get it wrong. I know, I've tried it to see what happens.  It is not just that you may be served up a paraphrase of the required statement, there could be other, less obvious, mistakes. For example, use of the word lawfully instead of lawful, or, as happened when I asked for vows that complied with the Australian Marriage Act, summarise or paraphrase the legal vows, making them non-compliant, while adding in "according to the Marriage Act, 1961" for good measure. No-one wants to say that in their vows!

7. Using AI can put your private information at risk

Inputting personal information and details about your relationship into an AI system raises privacy issues. There's the risk of sensitive data being mishandled or inadvertently shared.